As a westerner I've never known real hardship. My version of it was a father who was too strict, who in my view always gave the wrong example when it came to how he treated my mum. As a result I followed her example rather than his, although I must admit there are also a number of habits I picked up from him.
Still, getting rid of the difficult parts in life took half a lifetime, and now I see how I can best live my life, even if it is not the way people would normally expect you to live. Still, the way to get the most effect is simple: lead by example, not by dictation!